Hey Satan

That's right, this Satan

I'm using Hellvetica, to make a point...
a point about SATAN!
Please press play for a little
mood music.

Ok, now listen and read on. IF YOU DARE!

Underground is Satan's root cellar.
Satan believes in food storage.

The extraordinary story of one woman's escape from Satan's root cellar.
She's allergic to homemade pickles.
Homemade pickles from HELL.

Look, if he has a manor clearly he has a root cellar.
A root cellar from HELL.

See, I told you he had a cellar (disregard the author's clear misspelling).
This woman slipped and fell down the steps in Satan's root cellar. Although Satan waited with her for the paramedics, she sued him for 2.1 million dollars in pain and suffering. Satan hired a private detective who took photos of her cleaning her pool a week after the accident.  She lost the case.
Satan is the lord of pain and suffering.

Yes I've been impregnated by Satan and yes my son is the antichrist, but he's the antichrist who makes the honor roll.
Hail Satan. 

If Rosemary's baby had a baby that baby is only like 1/4 Satan and would have very little demonic powers.  Unless Satan had a baby with his baby.  Well that would lead to all sorts of developmental problems.  Either way that kid's not playing a guitar with her eyes any time soon.
Satan is his own father.
                    

Michelle remembers candles, lots and lots of candles. She also remembers loosing her feet to Satan... or candles.
Satan has a Yankee Candle gift card.

Michelle also remembers the time that she met a man in the elevator of her husband's law firm who looked just like Michael Douglas.  She spent a year struggling to convince everyone that she had met Michael Douglas in an elevator and NOBODY believed her.  Michelle blames Satan for this.
Satan takes many forms just not Michael Douglas.

Michelle remembers everything, even previous covers from earlier book pressings. Michelle never forgets Satan, NEVER.
All hail Michelle.